Held
by Otabe Yatsuhashi
Summary: Sakura thinks back on all the times he had held her hand. R&R!
1. Acknowledgement

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I wish I did. But I don't. Life's a bitch that way!

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The first time he held my hand, his eyes were bright and full of hope.

I had just learned from a certain lazy jounin that it was _his_ birthday that day. I was surprised, to say the least. Despite the fact that I had known him for so many years now, and that we were teammates, and more or less friends, it was a shock to me that I had never known.

There was a sick feeling bubbling in my stomach. I felt guilty and inconsiderate at the sudden knowledge that after all these years, I had not once said a simple "Happy birthday!" let alone given him anything for the occasion. I remembered though, that almost every year, when we were both free and available, he would always insist on treating me to a meal. I never once thought that they were birthday noodles as I slurped down a bowl of Ichiraku ramen.

I wanted to give him something, something special to make up for the years I've missed out and to finally pacify the conscience that had begun to nag at my blatant disinterest for his affairs. I wondered then, what to give him and after some thought; I realized that I had no clue.

I spent the entire day avoiding him, despite the many passed on messages from friends and strangers likewise that a certain loudmouth idiot was searching for me. I couldn't face him without a decent gift in tow. I spent the entire day, slipping in and out of shops and buildings, hoping to find something to give, or at least someone who could give me an idea of what he wanted.

I saw Kakashi-sensei first, his silver mop standing high above the crowd as he slouched about in the marketplace. It took me a while to pry him away from his book, and looking back, I realize that he must have enjoyed my frustrated efforts. When I asked him though, in as roundabout a way as I could if he knew it was his student's birthday that day, he smiled in that roundabout way of his and answered, "I would suppose." I got nothing else from him after that.

When I saw Kiba and Hinata talking by the med building, I thought my troubles were over. Kiba was close with the idiot, both having the temperament of a two year old on a sugar high and therefore able to deal with each other. As for Hinata, I've seen the quiet girl hanging around him and hoped that she stalked the oblivious boy enough to know what he would want as a present. It was to my complete dismay therefore, when that dog-boy grinned slyly and refused to say a word. Hinata just clammed up, giving me a meaningful look as if she wanted to tell me that I ought to know the answer to my question but was too scared of offending anyone to say it outright.

After I left the pair in more distress than when I began, I came upon Ino and Shikamaru in an argument—­­meaning that Ino was arguing and Shikamaru was nodding off—and hoped that the bearer of my bad news would also be the bearer of my salvation.

Shikamaru regarded me with slight interest and Ino, at least for a few minutes, ended her one-sided screeching to ask me what I wanted. I smiled nervously, hoping Shikamaru's genius would be enough to guess what I wanted and not make me blurt out my obvious embarrassment. He sighed, took me away from an incredulous Ino, and planted me on a shady corner of a building.

"Honestly, Haruno, you ought to be smart enough to know what your teammate of how many years would want!"

I deadpanned. The ugly monster called guilt reared its ugly head once again and I couldn't help but look down in shame. "I don't," I replied honestly, wringing my hands in nervousness as he stared me down. I could have sworn Hinata had possessed me somehow. I've never felt such insecurity as I did then.

"Geeze! Look—"

"Nara, you perverted two-timer, what are you doing to my Sakura-chan!"

We both looked up, Shikamaru surprised, and I, completely on the verge of breaking down and sprinting away. There he was, in all his bright, obnoxious, and oddly enough endearing glory, and all I wanted to do was turn tail and run. I wasn't ready to see him yet, to face his sunny smile and say yes to a dinner that I knew meant more to him than it ever did to me. I wished right then that the ground would swallow me entirely.

Shikamaru sighed, turned towards him and patted the surprised idiot on the shoulder.

He left me! That lazy, no-good deserter had left me! I would've killed him if I weren't busy staring down and silently commanding the ground to open up beneath me.

We both stood in silence for a while, and I hoped a little that he had gone away, noting that I didn't really want to talk to him at that moment. But he immediately broke the unnatural silence, his voice just as sunny as his smile, and somehow, I felt that everything would be all right.

"Hey Sakura-chan? Did that lazy bum try to hit on you?" he said laughing, though I could feel something slightly negative underlying his tone.

I looked up, smiled the best I could without showing him the apology in my eyes that I wanted too much to blurt out. Not yet! I needed something to help ease in the apology; something that would tell him I hadn't meant to not care.

"No, of course not," I replied, quite amazed at how soft my voice had become. Perhaps the Hyuuga-heiress was infectious. I had never been this meek, even when in front of Sasuke. "We…..were just talking about a mission."

"Really? Great! You can tell me all about it over a nice bowl of ramen at Ichiraku! My treat!"

I really should have just smiled and said "Sure" like all the other times he had asked me before. I should have just nodded and led the way to that quaint ramen bar that had become his second home. Only, it wasn't like before anymore. This dinner meant so much more now than it did at those times. That bowl of ramen would be his birthday meal and I would be his honored guest. The stories, the laughter, and everything else in between would be the party and he would be so much more than just a teammate that every so often treated me to a nice meal. He would be the birthday boy. It would be his day. And I couldn't face him knowing that without so much as a present to tell him that I cared and I'll never forget again.

I didn't notice I was crying until I heard his concerned voice. "Sakura-chan, what's wrong? Did something bad happen? What can I do, Sakura-chan?"

There was so much care and worry in his eyes that I felt drowned in them for a while. It was so easy, to be swept away by all his feelings and forget about mine, but I couldn't. I was afraid. I didn't want to forget my mistake. I wanted him to mean something more. Something that I could worry and care and fuss about.

I saw him approach, his hand stretched out to hold mine but I was too scared to let it happen. I ran, plain and simple. His voice followed me even when I knew he was no longer giving chase.

I had nowhere to go and no one to see. Shikamaru was right. I, of all people, should've known what he would've wanted. But I didn't. I didn't even know him as a person. I knew him as a teammate, as a shinobi, as a loudmouth nuisance. I knew he loved ramen, dreamt and still dreams of being the best Hokage, was stupid and clumsy but was dependable and strong when needed. I knew he liked annoying me, liked being the center of attention, craved acknowledgement and respect more than anything else. But what else? I didn't even know his favorite flavor of ramen. I had forgotten about it, I suppose but I was sure he had never told me of his other likes and dislikes. Did he like movies, or reading, or maybe going for a drink after a hard mission? What was his favorite color? Surely that garish orange jumpsuit wasn't his choice. Oh kami! How could I have not known so many things when he seemed to know everything about me?

I gasped, that quiet realization hitting me harder than the idea that I hadn't known his birthday until that day. How could I have not noticed it? He practically announced to the whole world whenever my birthday would come. He always knew what exactly to give me, even when I didn't know I needed it until I actually used it and thanked the heavens for its existence. I had never thanked him, thinking about it. Oh kami, how horrible a person could I get?

I wallowed in self-pity for the better part of the afternoon, finding myself staring out at the whole of Konoha in the fading light of the afternoon sun. I sat quietly on the tip of the Fourth's nose, finding it quite funny that I found this, of all places, the most relaxing. It wasn't until it rained that I realized night had come and that I had been staring out into space for more than a few hours. I sighed, stood up, and climbed my way to the fourth Hokage's forehead. I hadn't been able to think of anything suitable for him after all, despite the thorough soul searching I had done for every little thing he had ever said and done while in my presence.

Nearing the top, I looked up and realized that he was there, waiting for me in the darkness as if it were the most natural thing to do in the world. He seemed to shine and I wondered how dark the world would be if his shining would ever fade. It would be very dark, I supposed. I stared at him and he smiled.

He took my hand and pulled me the rest of the way up. I stood, mouth agape, thinking of something to say just so he would stop looking at me as if he understood everything running through my mind. And I guessed he probably did. He probably always did.

"I'm-"

"Let's go eat now, Sakura-chan!" he grinned, cutting short my poor attempt at an apology, and tugged at my hand to get me moving.

I looked down at our hands, his larger one over mine, and I couldn't quite understand why I hadn't pounded him yet for touching me so easily. His hand was rough and calloused, as all shinobis' hands were, but it was also comforting and warm in a way that I had never felt before. There was safety in his grasp, I surmised, and I knew that he would take care of me as he had always done before. He gave my hand a squeeze, and for some strange reason, I squeezed back, as if to reassure him that I wouldn't let go.

"Naruto?"

"Yup?" he asked, not bothering to look back while he pulled me towards our destination.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know until today."

"Hm? About what, Sakura-chan?"

"That it was your birthday," I replied quietly, too ashamed to look him in the eye, even when I could feel that he was staring at my head.

He chuckled, his voice cutting through the loudness of Konoha's nightlife and I couldn't help but look up in surprise. I had never heard him chuckle before. He had always had a nice laugh, and although loud at most times, his voice remained pleasant enough to be tolerated. But his chuckle was something different. In some inexplicable way, it made him sound older and more mature than the 16-year-old boy I knew him to be. It made him sound like he knew and understood me even without my explaining. I realized right then, that I liked his laugh better than his chuckle. At least when he laughed, there was nothing painful hidden behind his smiling face.

"So that's what you've been worrying about? Honestly, Shikamaru can be a total ass sometimes!'

"You shouldn't take this too lightly! I've been your teammate for three years and I feel as though I know nothing of you! And it's not even that part that bothers me! It's the part where I didn't even care enough to realize this until today! Do you know how bad a person that makes me, Naruto? How could you even smile at me all those times, knowing that I had never once greeted you on your special day or at least treated you better?"

His eyes regarded me silently and for a while I asked myself if I had missed more than a few years' worth of birthdays. He seemed so much older, so much wiser than myself that I thought I had mistaken someone else for him.

"You know, Sakura-chan," he began, his voice soft and cautious as if he feared he could hurt me with his words. Really! I thought it was about time he put me in my place for all the times I had treated him as less than what he deserved. I was hoping he was mad. "I never told you when my birthday was because I didn't want you to feel obligated to treat me better or get me something. It would be like forcing you to do something you really didn't want to do."

"But-"

"And in any case, you've always made me happy during my birthdays, even when you didn't know it. You always gave me what I wanted," he finished; his eyes and smile shining at me as if he were the sun itself.

Strangely, I thought I would burn under his newly acquired brightness. In the end, I only found it comforting and familiar. "I did?"

"Yup! You were there to celebrate it with me! Nothing else could be better than that, Sakura-chan!"

"I….I," I let the tears fall, hiccups shaking my body every now and then. I hadn't expected that he had cherished my company so much during all those times. I had thought he had chosen me merely because I was his teammate and he was comfortable with me.

"Oh no! Please don't cry, Sakura-chan! I'm sorry! Did I say something wrong?" His voice sounded worried and panicked and I couldn't help but laugh at the irony that he was more worried about my sudden breakdown than his right to extricate retribution for my neglect. I shook my head, wiping away my tears with both hands, one of which was still in his grasp.

When I finally composed myself enough to look him in the eyes, I felt myself breathe in easily as if it were the first time in so long. I smiled, not bothering to take my hand out of his grip even when I saw that his own hand was wet with tears. "I guess, I'll just have to make it up to you next time, Naruto. I haven't gotten you anything for your birthday."

He grinned, giving me a thumbs up with his free hand. "Sure!" he exclaimed, before turning to pull Ichiraku's cloth door aside to enter. But before he could go in, I pulled him back, making him yelp in surprise at both my action, and the strength by which I accomplished it.

He looked at me again, his bright blue eyes full of questions I knew I had no answer to. So instead, I smiled, stepped on my tiptoes just because he was so much taller than I was, and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

His eyes grew wide in surprise, and I smiled inside to see just how red his face had become. "Happy birthday, Naruto!" I whispered before stepping to his side and pulling him into the welcoming heat and aroma that was Ichiraku.

When I looked back, he was grinning, his eyes bright and full of hope. He held my hand tighter, and for the first time in my life, I was glad he did

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Author's notes: This didn't turn out the way I thought it would. Anyway, just a little fluff for NaruSaku fans out there like myself. Please R&R. It'd really help. Also, as it turned out far longer than I had first imagined, I'm going to have to turn this into a series of one-shots to accommodate all my ideas. Well, only if you guys think it's worth doing so. Hehe. Milking for praise here!  


	2. Hope

Disclaimer: Do I even need to tell you?

Chapter 2 is finally here! To all you OC's, R&R! More fluff and sappiness ensues!

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The second time he held my hand, his eyes were warm and inviting.

It was a rare winter for Konoha, the first time in many years that we had actually had snow in this little village in the Fire country. Everyone had been surprised to wake up to a white desert, but I had been expecting it.

I sighed, small wisps of vapor escaping my cracked and nearly blue lips. It had been three years since Sasuke's escape, three whole years and a few months to be exact, but no one in Konoha seemed to have remembered. I stood still in front of Sasuke's old apartment, my cleaning tools in hand, wondering to myself why I continued to cling on even when there was nothing left but a sheer drop. Perhaps, it was because I had always been a romantic, a hopeless believer in the absolute power of unyielding and everlasting love. That had been what I had promised him, hadn't it? I sighed again, and trudged on forward.

The apartment had been bought by an eager young shinobi a few months before, but he had agreed to let the winter pass before finally moving in. I remember the pity in his eyes as he looked at me, and I remember the disgust I felt at how weak he thought me to be. Did he know I was Tsunade's apprentice? Did he know I was the top medic in Konoha aside from Tsunade-shishou, a fact that was quite praiseworthy seeing that I had only been 16 when I earned the title? Did he know that I was Kakashi-sensei's favorite sparring partner, a jounin, a master at genjutsu and seals?

No. I suppose all he saw as I stood close to tears before him was a little girl who had had the misfortune of promising her undying love to the worst man possible. In some way, that was how everyone else saw me.

In some way I had been expecting it, just as I had expected the snow to fall then.

The keys jangled lifelessly in my hand as I turned the lock and pushed open the door. Immediately, my nose was assaulted with the scent of Sasuke and of everything he had ever been. Blood, sweat, tears, and the strange mixture of rainy days and soap, clung to the space like he had never left. My eyes watered but I wiped them away. If Sasuke had been there, he would've scoffed at my blatant display of emotions.

I steeled myself. I knew it would be the last time that I would be able to surround myself in something concretely him, and I struggled to cope with the overwhelming feeling of loss. It was the final threshold, which I had to overcome. But for all the life in me, I somehow wanted to be held back. Even for just a little longer. Even forever. Just so long as I would be there just in case he ever did return, and I wouldn't have the guilt of knowing that I had ever doubted him to begin with.

I sighed. I remembered that young shinobi's face and I knew there was no way else around it. It was time to step forward.

I went straight towards the kitchen to set up my tools. Outside, the wind hurled crystalline flakes unto unsuspecting windows and I was glad Sasuke had had the presence of mind to fix his windows before he left. They had been broken when the only blonde in team 7 decided to give Sasuke an early call by throwing a can of liver spread through our broody teammate's window. Sasuke had been furious. I had laughed nonstop the entire day.

I smiled to myself. There had been good memories then. I had feared that coming into Sasuke's apartment would only push me into wallowing over regretted actions and fearful recollections. I had been afraid that everything about that space would only tell me how perfectly right Sasuke had been in leaving Konoha and everyone else behind. I had been afraid it would justify his actions in my eyes once again.

A knock at the door.

I looked up. I hadn't told anyone I would be there.

"You in here, Sakura-chan?"

An overwhelming relief rushed through my veins, only to be replaced almost instantaneously with bitter dread that he would rob me of my time alone with Sasuke's memory. I focused my attention on keeping a smile perched on my lips as I headed towards the door to welcome my uninvited company.

"Hey," I greeted him, opening the door fully to let him in. I gestured towards the couch as if it had been my home I was inviting him into, and he settled into its soft albeit dusty cushions with nothing less than a relieved sigh.

I raised an eyebrow at him and he laughed sheepishly in response.

"What brings you here, Naruto? I thought you had a date with Hinata-chan," I began, hoping he would get the hint that I wanted to be alone. It startled me a little that a small something in me grumbled at his having a date with someone else but I knew it was only my possessive streak at work. I had always been possessive about my boys; Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke, and even him, although it hadn't really been that obvious until Sasuke left. After that, I had feared that the two would leave me as well and so I had clung on as hard as I could. Kakashi-sensei once commented that no woman came close to him whenever I was around.

"Date? Oh! Right!" He gave another laugh, although more nervous than sheepish, and turned his body so that his arms and chin rested on the back of the couch and faced me.

I ran a hand through my short locks as if to tell him to hurry up. He knew my mannerisms well enough to read what I implicitly wanted, but for some odd reason, he didn't seem to be getting my drift at that particular moment.

He seemed at a loss for words as his eyes jerked from one position to the next, never really meeting my gaze. For a moment, I felt sorry for him, seeing that he had never been one to feel comfortable in silence, but I had nothing else to say. I wanted him to go away. Some part of me still blamed him for the fact that Sasuke had yet to return, but I knew that it was all irrational and blameful thinking. If I wanted to blame someone, it should've been me. I hadn't the strength to stop him from leaving.

"Ano-sa, uhm…..I was wondering if you'd like some help cleaning this place up. I heard from Hinata that you'd be fixing some things for the next owner so I thought I'd give you a hand. How about it?"

I was surprised at his offer, and more so with the pleading in his eyes as I looked in them for confirmation.

He was staring at me determinedly, though his too active hands seemed to reflect his inner agitation. It took me a while to respond, my mind a proverbial mess of pros and cons of his staying. On one hand, I wanted—no—needed this time alone with Sasuke's memory. It had taken me three years to finally be able to speak his name openly without bursting into tears but something inside of me had refused until now to fully let go. Seeing Sasuke's absence, this was the closest thing to a closure I could ever get.

But then again, Naruto had every right to a closure as well, seeing as we had all been in a single team once. Though it shamed me that I had been jealous, I knew that the two had formed a stronger bond than what Sasuke and I had and would ever share. Surely, Sasuke's self-declared rival and quasi-best-friend was the best choice for a companion in this type of situation.

But I had always been a selfish little brat. I shook my head in an off-handed manner and told him to go home.

"It'd be better for all involved if you just went home, Naruto. You're not exactly the most hygienic person I know and I can't fix any more mess than what I have in my hands." I gestured towards the dust-covered living room and the few cobwebs that had found home on Sasuke's ceiling fan. I made sure to smile and to keep my voice light and amicable, as if I were berating him on one of his mishaps as I have done every so often.

I almost regretted every word when his determined and hopeful face fell and then immediately lifted up into a wide pleasant grin instead. Despite the fact that he seemed to have been happy about the arrangement, that miniscule instant when his eyes seemed filled with so much uncertainties and sadness had me reeling inside. There are some things that do not belong on his face and that look had been one of them.

Too embarrassed and prideful to admit my mistake, I decided to take refuge in silence once more. I knew he hated it but I wanted him to go away and leave me to my own mourning. I had let him go alone on those wild chases for Sasuke all those years though I wanted nothing more than to be there alongside him if he ever did find our missing comrade. I had let him mourn on his own terms without once interfering. I knew he needed the time alone in order to fully understand that there were some things sheer stubbornness could not bring about. Sasuke wouldn't return just because he never said die.

I understood the way his thick skull worked. I was hoping, at that very moment as I stared evasively out the window into the dull white that was Konoha, that he understood how my weak heart worked as well.

After a few seconds of awkward gazes and silent breathing, he stood up and dusted off his pants; patted of the dust that had clung to him from Sasuke's couch. I suddenly felt so lost, like I had somehow been left behind once more. It felt as though he were ridding himself of Sasuke's very essence but I could not, no matter how much bleach and soap I used, rid myself of his stain.

I stood still in anxious limbo. My gut had wrenched at the thought of him actually leaving. I wanted him to; I really did, but still…

His cheerful voice saved me from my internal discourse. It took me a while to push through the din of blood humming erratically in my ears but I had caught a few of his words and the gist of his meaning.

He was leaving.

Again, my stomach fluttered but I kept my passive smile. I nodded in gratitude, escorted him numbly to the door. It felt as though I were moving through sheer bodily instincts. I was glad he hadn't seemed to notice.

On Sasuke's porch, between Sasuke's hallway and his private space, under Sasuke's doorframe that had borne witness to anything and everything that was Sasuke, we found ourselves at a standstill, suddenly unsure and wavering. Were we waiting for something to happen on this holy ground? I could hardly breath as his blue eyes stared me down with so much pent up concern and unsaid care. I looked in shocked awe as his warm hand found its resting place on my frost-kissed cheek. It felt too good to move away.

He smiled again, not his cheeky grin but a small genuine one, and began to rub his thumb over my cheekbone. I felt myself redden but immobile.

"You know, Sakura-chan," and I remember that he had said my name so reverently then, and for the first time I realized how perfect his suffix sounded attached to my name "I won't be a burden to you. I won't ever leave you behind and I'll always protect you. It's a promise of a lifetime, remember?"

My eyes had misted at the sincerity of his voice and I panicked at the loss of my self-restraint in his presence. I chuckled in response, airy and non-committal, a desperate attempt to salvage my façade of lighthearted cheer. I didn't want him to worry but mostly, I didn't want to seem so weak under his eyes. Somehow, I wanted to prove to him that I was just as strong and resilient as the picture he had painted me out to be. I wanted him to be right.

"Stop being so sentimental, Naruto-baka! Besides, Lee-san makes a better nice-guy pose than you do," I grinned. Still, his hand stayed reassuringly on my cheek. "Don't worry. I won't let those stubborn stains in the kitchen sink get the best of me!"

"Hey! I've been perfecting it! See, I almost have the twinkling teeth down now!" he smiled exaggeratedly, pushing his white teeth at me, and I could not help but genuinely laugh. He always had a way of making even the worst moments humorous. I envied him for that from time to time.

He didn't miss a beat; suddenly his warmth was gone from my face and I was left feeling cold and bereft once more. He was halfway down the hall when I was finally able to find my voice and call out to him.

I was surprised at the panicked and somewhat pleading quality of my voice. Again, my face reddened when his expectant gaze fell on my form.

"I- uhm…." I felt like banging my head on Sasuke's door, or on any other solid surface that could knock me out permanently. I was stuttering like some incoherent twit! And in front of him, no less. It was as if whatever affliction made Hinata an extra-nervous wreck as opposed to simply being a nervous wreck when in his presence, had suddenly and inexplicably been passed unto me.

I stopped that train of thought. That was impossible. Hinata was in love.

His cheeky grin lends me enough righteous indignation to find my voice again.

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Naruto!" and as soon as the words flew from my mouth I regretted them instantly. Seeing his blue eyes widen then sadden at my insinuation made me want to rip off my tongue. I had only meant it to be a joking reprimand. I hadn't thought….I wasn't thinking at all! And they called me the smart one!

His large warm hand, the very same one that my cheek sorely missed, rose to scratch his hair—a nervous gesture, but I wasn't fairing any better with my teeth chewing down on my lips. He tried to laugh it off, to push down the solemn air that had accumulated between us, but it sounded far too forced to fool either of us.

Looking back now, I realize what a sad sight we made in that hall; like two worn-out souls looking both lost and constricted by the ugly gray walls of Sasuke's apartment building. We were both so tired of fighting, and of losing to the feel of a gaping whole within us, incessantly pulling us down into its depths; so tired of pretending as if we had not been damaged irrevocably by a loved one's betrayal.

I knew he had loved Sasuke; loves him still, as one might love a brother whose faults you could always forgive.

In some way only he and Sasuke could ever fathom, I knew he had forgiven our prodigal comrade.

I hadn't; could not yet, mainly because I still had not wholly accepted that he had done any wrong. What a fool I was.

I chose to break the unease. I had been the one at fault at any case. I found it surprisingly easy to push down my inflated pride and traverse the few steps separating our lonely existences. I was tired of being lonely and the look had never really suited his usually gay features.

My fingers were shaking as I reached for his sleeve, an eternity passing before my fingers could feel the cool fabric on my skin. He was watching me, his eyes unwavering and curious as he kept his silent vigil. When his sleeve had all been clumped up in my tight grasp, I pulled, like a little child would; tugged repeatedly until he understood.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that," I whispered. I couldn't meet his gaze so I kept my eyes locked unto his sleeve. I felt as though something horrible would happen if I let my gaze wander even the slightest bit.

His fingers brushed over my shoulder, trailing goose bumps where they passed, and fell to rest on my face once more. I never knew such a small gesture could mean so much until then. It was as if all my burdens were lightened, even for just a few seconds of that touch. And when he pulled my chin up to face him, I felt good again; when he smiled, it was as if I had never done anything wrong in my life. Before he said the words, I knew I had already been forgiven—just like Sasuke.

"I know Sakura-chan. It's this weather, I think; all gloomy and really depressing. Plus we're kinda getting Sasuke's left-over broody bastard aura from this place."

I giggled, the way only he can seem to make me do those days; close to the shy, somewhat flirtatious ones I had given Sasuke when we were still full of hope, but more genuine, carefree.

"I guess. But still, sorry." I gave him an embarrassed smile to which he wiggled his eyebrows at. I couldn't help but laugh more heartily at that, although he did lack the effect Lee-san had whenever eyebrows were concerned. "I want you to know, I've never doubted you. And I don't blame you, for anything. It's just…."

"Hey, no biggie Sakura-chan. I get it," he said lightly, his eyes gleaming with a certain amount of pride at that claim. Like I had told him, I had no doubt he truly did.

He still does.

"So, I'll leave you to all this girly cleaning stuff. You go do what you gotta do, Sakura-chan," and at that point I knew he was referring to more than just tile scrubbing and furniture dusting, "I'll see you when you're ready, ok? We can celebrate with ramen! My treat!"

I nodded in thanks, grateful for his understanding and surprising amount of tact. It was as if I was staring at an entirely different person, or maybe just an improvement. I was glad that whatever training he may have done with that perverted teacher of his, it had at least brought him some delicacy he had sorely lacked as a child.

It was another point to him in my tally book.

He pinched my cheek lightly, as if to tell me to smile, and I did, if only after I had stuck out my tongue at him for the gesture. But when I did smile, it had no strings attached. He had cut them off for me.

He left me on that hallway, his yellow hair and bouncy steps slowly taking away the warmth and glow from my presence, but I felt oddly at peace. I watched his back until he had turned the corner and had completely disappeared from my sight. I stood there for a few seconds, slowly feeling his absence take effect, and I knew I had been irreparably attached to the boisterous blond for better or for worse.

When all traces of him were gone—his scent, his aura, that giddy glow he brought wherever he went—I sighed and turned back towards my task, the one I had so selfishly hoarded, the one I had all of a sudden dreaded doing. Sasuke's door stood before me like a black whole, slowly pulling me into depressing darkness. It made me laugh when I realized it wasn't so much the door (it had been painted a pleasant enough blue as was the style of the apartment) but the man who had owned it to some extent that had brought such awful allusions to my head.

Sasuke was my black whole, my gray cloud, my hook and chains and lock. And I had let him be all these, had willingly imprisoned myself and pushed the key into his impassive hands. And that blond dolt—well, he was my better judgment. It was time I let go.

It took me four hours to clean that apartment—four hours to come to terms with what had been, what will never be, and what is; four hours to scrub myself clean of Sasuke's filth, anger, and hatred; four hours to finally grow up and catch up with the present. When I was done, each piece of furniture sparkled as if new. The walls seemed newly painted, the kitchen, just retiled, the windows, newly installed, the floors, lovingly polished. I think Sasuke would have been proud of me, or at least would have been slightly impressed, at the transformation I had brought about into his space.

And I stood there, dirty, ragged, dusty, sore, and a little out of breath from all the heavy lifting, and I smiled goodbye to my fairytales and nightmares. Sasuke was gone now. The place no longer held his scent, then replaced by the floral air freshener I had taken from my mother's cupboard. The scratches and nicks that had borne witness to his raging existence had all been sanded out and polished, peaceful in their smoothness. I had taken the liberty of removing all of Sasuke's personal belongings, or what little he had of them, and wrapped them each reverently in layers of newspaper, placed them into boxes that will most likely never be opened again. All the while, I had cried.

When I sealed the boxes shut, my eyes were finally dry.

I gave myself a mental congratulation, glad that I had done what I had set out to do. It made me giddy to think that the shinobi who would inherit my teammates legacy of sorts would think, if nothing else, that I would make an extremely good wife. I supposed that was better than the weak little girl he had pegged me for.

I sighed, this one full of relief and certain hopefulness for what was in the future. I gathered all my supplies, making sure I left nothing of myself in this space that could even remotely haunt its new occupants, and began to leave.

When I opened the door I was met with blue eyes and a warm grin. He was standing in front of Sasuke's door as if it were the most natural thing, his left hand holding up a plastic bag suspiciously stretched down like a stack of bowls.

"Naruto?" My voice was small and hoarse, unused for the four hours of my ablution. I blushed at its squeaky quality.

"Hey! Thought you'd be finished by now so I brought you some ramen to celebrate!" he grinned as if he hadn't noticed my unappealing state. Without preamble, he took my cleaning supplies and placed them by the door, shutting the piece of wood and metal behind me as he rose to meet my surprised face. Then his hand was on mine, so very hard and rough but offering all the comfort in the world I could ever need. He tugged me down and I followed, sitting beside him as he struggled to prepare our meals single-handedly. I laughed heartily at the sight.

"You could let go of my hand, you know?" I said in joking reprimand as he finally succeeded in opening the lids. He placed one bowl in front of me and my stomach growled in appreciation. He smiled as if it were the most natural sound in the world.

"Yeah but I don't wanna!" he said matter-of-factly. He handed me chopsticks, already broken in half, and then smiled in way that said, "Eat!"

I hummed as I struggled to eat left-handed. He surprised me into immobility when he picked up the bowl with his hand, trapping mine between the warmth of his skin and the warmth of Ichiraku's styrofoam bowl. Then he proceeded to attempt to feed me.

I sputtered my way back to reality. "W-what? Why? I mean—"

"Because you haven't let go yet. And I won't until you do, or tell me to, or maybe I just never will since I'm a very stubborn guy anyway. Promise of a lifetime, right?"

Despite his joking tone and choice of words, I knew he was saying something deeper, something I had already known for so long but simply refused to acknowledge as truth. A promise of a lifetime. A lifetime promised to another. A past, present, and future all rolled into five little words and so easily given.

My eyes misted but I shook my head when I saw his alarm. I smiled and lunged, catching the noodles dangling from his proffered chopsticks that it surprised him into a healthy blush of his own. It had to admit, it looked good on him.

"Ok," I said after I had chewed down the oily noodles and swallowed them. I don't think I've ever tasted anything quite as good as that one bite.

"Ok" he repeated, somewhat in a daze. But then he bounced back, that eager grin splitting his face in an oddly endearing way, and moved to serve me more noodles.

We leaned on Sasuke's closed door, its wooden length conveying nothing else but that. It was just a door and we turned our backs on it easily when we felt our sides stiffen at its solidness.

We talked and laughed and ate, clumsily and in turns that we had more noodles on the floor than in our stomachs. But no one was there to reprimand us. Sasuke was silent; truly silent for once, and the snowy barrenness outside meant nothing to us.

All the while, we sat there, our hands intertwined in the most impractical but perfect way possible, and for once, I was thankful for it.

* * *

Author's notes: Awkward ending. This was a bitch to write! R&R please! I beg you! I implore you! Maawa kayo sa akin! 


	3. Comfort

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto.

REVIEW! Enjoy!

* * *

The third time he held my hand, his eyes were kind and understanding. 

We were on our way to a non-shinobi village, having just accomplished a rather messy mission. We were supposed to rendezvous with Kakashi-sensei and another jounin in order to unload our burden upon him, and then round about to tie up any loose ends we might have left during the mission. Basically, Tsunade-shishou wanted everything clean, and although my companion and I were highly skilled and capable, I had never done as thorough a job as we were expected to then. The thought weighed heavily on my mind as we raced through the treetops.

I looked at him, my unspoken partner, noting that his movements had become more graceful and purposeful over the years. He had had a period of awkwardness in the past, mostly due to his lack of formal training and his sudden growth spurt, but he was all coordination and strength then as we weaved through the trees.

"What's up, Sakura-chan?" he asked, snapping me from my mental reverie of his skills and improvements, and of the underlying queasiness churning the contents of my stomach.

I shook my head, not wanting to tell him the uneasiness I felt about our mission and that in some way or another, I had actually been "checking him out" but for entirely different reasons. I didn't want to tell him how glad I was that he was my companion for the trip, simply because I was certain that he already knew.

"Nothing," I replied curtly when I noticed he was still waiting for my answer.

His face fell into a mock pout, something, which I strangely found cute and amusing. "Aww, don't be like that. You know you can tell me anything, right?" He managed to give me his infamous puppy dog/ slash pretty eyes as he jumped from one tree unto the next, without so much as glancing at his chosen path.

I laughed. I had heard Ino say before that those eyes were the downfall of any woman in his path. I had laughed her off then, telling her that he had directed it towards me countless of times before but had never had such an effect. Right then and there however, as he widened his bright blue eyes at me in such an endearingly cute manner, I found my immunity to his strange charm slowly slipping.

"Stop looking like a lost dog! And look where your—"

"Ouch!"

"—going!" I sighed, landing beside him as he heaved himself out of an impossible-to-miss-tree. I cringed at the deep impression his body had made in the process of impact, and wondered vaguely why he wasn't bleeding as much as a normal person ought to under such normal circumstances. Then again, he had always been a fast healer. It was just another something of the many somethings that made him uniquely…..him.

"I told you to always look where you're going. You may have a freakish sense of smell but it doesn't mean that you can exclusively rely on it when moving fast, especially in elevated places!" I really didn't enjoy scolding him as much as I used to when we were younger, mainly because with our closeness, it made me feel as though I were the uptight teacher and he was the misbehaving student. I didn't like feeling that old. But at certain times, I couldn't help my nagger personality coming through, even at the cost of his calling me "Okaa-san". In all honesty, the title didn't settle well with me.

"Yes _Okaa-san_," he replied, stressing his made-up name for me whenever I reverted back to my know-it-all state. He knew it riled me up just enough for me to forget whatever it was he had done wrong in the first place, and as always it worked. I hated him for reading me so well.

"Shut up! Come here before you bleed to death!" I dragged his arm towards myself, as it seemed to be the most injured part of him.

He blushed and looked away, like he always did whenever I went about mothering him, but I no longer bothered telling him that I noticed. It was funny how comfortable our closeness at that moment was. When we were young, I had always felt queasy and awkward whenever I was near him or Sasuke, or for any other boy for that matter. But as the years progressed, he and I had come to a mutual albeit unsaid agreement that we no longer minded each other's closeness. I certainly didn't but with this constant mumbling and blushing, I wasn't too certain about him.

Noting his discomfort, I decided to give him a bit of slack. "Quit squirming or I'll break your arm!"

He gave me a devious grin, finally looking me straight in the eyes, and visibly relaxed. I found it strange that he responded so positively to my threats whereas most people would simply take heed and run. Over the years, I had gotten a bad reputation of being rather "destructive".

We both balanced ourselves precariously on the branch in silence, not really wanting to destroy the little peace we had managed to find. His arm wasn't at all that badly wounded; just a few scrapes, splinters, and a long bleeding gash, which took me very little chakra to actually close. New tissue had already begun forming on the wound before I had even laid hands on it and so all I had to do was give it a little push and clean up everything else. I used to find this fact about him unnerving, seeing as I had never heard of a jutsu or bloodline ability that allowed for instant regeneration without so much as an effort from the shinobi in question, but now, it was just another one of his quirks I've come to accept.

It took me all of two minutes to get his arm clean and ready for more of his clumsiness. He gave me an apologetic smile, as if to say an advanced sorry for the many more injuries I expected him to get, and took his arm back with a bit of showy cracking and stretching.

"You're an angel, y'know that? You're waaaaaay better than that old hag!"

"Don't badmouth my teacher if you know what's good for you!" I quickly replied, not bothering to show him the slight color that had tinted my cheeks when he so blatantly complimented my skills.

"But Sakuraaaaaaaaa!"

"Shh!" I clamped my hand over his gaping mouth, abruptly cutting off any sound that he was struggling to make. He immediately took in my defensive stance and shut up, decidedly turning on his more serious "mission mode".

He nodded and I let my hand drop. I could feel the uncomfortable sensation of someone's gaze staring intently at my form. I knew we were being watched but did not have the same tracking skills that allowed him to immediately pinpoint where exactly our would-be assailants were. I sighed. It was time to get serious.

His vibrant eyes caught my gaze for a second, and I immediately understood the unsaid message, which passed through the both of us. _Don't worry. I'm here. _

_I know._ I smiled briefly then set to work, leaving my blonde companion to his rowdy tactics and our pursuers, to their inevitable demise. I disappeared from view, covering my tracks with a well-placed genjutsu as well as completely masking my chakra. I gave myself a triumphant smile at my handiwork. Not even Kakashi-sensei could find me when I didn't want to be found.

I paused at a high branch, several meters to the right of where I could hear the battle raging on without me. I hated the fact that I could not fight alongside my comrade but knew that my hidden role was just as important to the accomplishment of our mission as his was. I cringed as a fairly large explosion ripped through the foliage, sending debris and miscellaneous bits and pieces of organs and appendages towards the nearby trees. I could only hope that he had been the source and not on the receiving end.

I drew my gaze away, and immediately secured the perimeter of the battle. I had to make sure the fight was contained and that no additional forces that could roll the tide of favor against our side, could come into the fray. I studied the traps I had set momentarily, making sure they were all alive and ready to blow off at the slightest touch. I also made sure none of them where in my comrade's line of movement. I was pretty sure that he'd have known my techniques and styles by then to safely dodge the traps but it didn't hurt to stay on the safe side.

Another explosion, though far smaller in scale than the first, sounded and my head instinctively snapped towards a shock of golden blonde hair standing distinctively from the slowly dissipating smoke and ash. Someone had let loose an earth elemental attack and he had answered in kind with a well-formed fireball. I gave him a small proud smile. I had helped him with that move.

Seeing that he seemed to be out of immediate harm, I set about completing my tasks. The perimeter had been secured and it was time to hunt down the other party that had stayed behind to watch in the shadows and bide their time. From the foreign chakra signatures that I had felt, I knew there were at least six more not out in the open. I cursed beneath my breath. I may have made sure they kept their distance from the battle but it didn't mean I had prevented other long-range techniques from possibly hurting my fellow Konoha nin. I knew I had to act fast. Before everything became too complicated to finish off cleanly.

I immediately spotted one, hiding in the tress a few meters to my left. I leapt after him, confident in my near-invisibility, and sliced off his throat even before his eyes could go wide from the coldness of my steel. I draped him silently on the branch he was perched on and wiped my bloodied kunai on his uniform, all the while suppressing my urge to vomit. I checked his forehead protector, making sure to skip past the pale face that I knew was trapped in a state of shocked terror. _Sound_. I cursed. I didn't think they would be so active so soon.

A slight whistling sound whipped past my nose and I jumped back on pure instinct. That had been too close for comfort. I narrowed my eyes at the direction of the projectile and quickly found myself face to face with a fast-moving enemy nin. _Stone?_ I noticed briefly as an unforgiving roundhouse came toward my head, barely giving me time to evade and throw out a few shurikens to create distance between myself and my assailant.

I panted, having had two close shaves in a row. I hated not being the one to set the pace in a fight. It usually had a certain outcome, which I did not want played out outside of my sparring exercises with the remainders of team 7. I stilled my breath, noticing that two chakra signatures were now solely focused on me. They were waiting for my next move, which was definitely not a good sign as it meant they had good heads on their shoulders. I would have to do more than outsmart them.

I made seals, quickly hiding myself in a genjutsu. It had taken the first one a few seconds to realize that I didn't really disappear right in front of their eyes but it was enough to locate the spike of anxious chakra and eliminate its source. His companion though, hadn't been as easy to fool and all through out my efforts, he stuck by me, giving me little space to do anything but defend and run.

"Fuck off!" I grunted, pushing against my enemy's kunai with my own. He smiled in such a dastardly way that I felt the hairs at the back of my spine quickly stand up. I could smell the awful stench of stale blood and poor hygienic habits as he struck me from above, which I quickly parried off with my kunai and followed through with a punch kick to his gut.

The man took his time, his raggy black hair swaying lifelessly with each blow he took against me. Again, I noticed that his forehead protector was that of Stone and not Sound, a thought, which did not settle well in my over-analytic mind. _I suppose this means an alliance has been formed between the Sound and Stone. Not surprising, but the fact that they are bold enough to come out this far means that they had either gained a large amount of troops or…_

I let the thought slide as he came at me again with a forward thrust that I was able to evade. However, my sidestep brought me within range of his left arm's punch and I found myself unable to defend. He quickly made use of my inebriation and struck my square on the chest, leaving me vulnerable to his uppercut and then his spinning kick.

I staggered to meet the flurry of his attacks but soon found myself trapped between the ugly albeit skilled nin and a far harder place. I sighed. It was time to really get serious.

"Sorry ugly, but I'm going to have to kill you," I said plainly, moving back into my fighting stance. I shuddered at the coldness of my own voice, and for a few seconds, I wondered if that had really been me at all.

"Bold words for someone who's barely standing, I'd say. But come on, give me your—"

I cut him off with a chakra-enhanced punch square on his face. He flew off into one of the nearby trees, bringing the poor thing down as he made contact. But I didn't have time to gloat. Another one was on me in a matter of seconds, slipping long legs beneath me in an attempt to make me fall. It was sheer practice that allowed me to flip back just in time to push myself upwards and land on a low crouch, several feet away from my attacker. It was a woman this time, her pale heart-shaped face somehow reminding me of Hinata-chan.

"What did you do to him?" she seethed, her dark eyes glaring daggers at me. I blinked, looking from her rigid form to the unmoving, albeit alive body behind. I knew it was inappropriate in a middle of a battle, but I couldn't help my curiosity at her blatant anger and defensive stance.

"Nothing he wouldn't have done to me," I quickly answered, staring her straight in the eyes. "Why do you care? Just attack and we can get this over with."

She sneered, and I noticed that she was actually wearing a pretty shade of pale pink lipstick. I couldn't help but feel a little disgusted at her showiness. I hated being reminded of my former self.

"I won't forgive you for hurting my comrade," she said easily, taking a more offensive stance and tensing her calf muscles for an easy spring. I was surprised more by her words and the conviction with which she said them than the frontal assault she made against me. It wouldn't do to say that she was skilled in anyway, taijutsu or otherwise, but she seemed to believe in her actions more than anything else. I evaded her easily, not wanting to hurt her for the main reason that she so easily reminded me of myself when I was younger.

Unfortunately, as I led her into a chase, which I knew would inevitably lead her to her death, I realized that I had wasted too much time playing the merciful enemy. I caught a glimpse of Naruto, surrounded by thirty more fresh-looking nins while he himself was panting heavily and leaning profusely on his left leg. I growled low in irritation. I needed to help him but in order to do that, I needed to get rid of my annoying shadow.

I stopped on a tree, assured that I had a few seconds before she could even catch sight of me again. I sighed as I eased my muscles into relaxation, clearing my mind of everything else. A few more moments and I heard her approach, but the previous reprieve had been enough. I had finally managed to locate the last two of her companions.

"I don't want to do this. Please understand," I said, my voice unusually calm when all I really wanted to do was curl up and cry. I didn't want to kill her. I didn't want to kill anybody. But this was the life I had chosen, and a life I had to endure if I wanted to help those whom I loved. I had to help _him_! It was no time to turn back into the emotional wreck I had once been.

She looked at me plainly, then nodded, her dark eyes giving off something akin to resigned understanding. She knew she was going to die and she knew she would remain fighting me until the end. I held back the tears as I rushed at her, dispelling the kawarimi when her kunai ran through it and appearing directly behind her, my kunai deeply lunged into her back. A sob broke out as I laid her down the best I could, noticing how red her blood was. _Like mine. Like Kakashi-sensei's. Like Sasuke's. Like his._ Somehow, I felt like the demons who used to outclass me when I was younger, and she; she was the young naïve pink-haired girl whom everybody knew would never amount to much.

"Hey," she whispered.

I blinked in surprise, my eyes dry and clear for now. I looked down at her gasping form. I didn't want her to suffer through long hours of helplessness and blood loss, as I knew she would from the wound I had given her. I wanted to make it easier. I fingered another kunai and brought it to her throat.

"B-before you k-k-kill him, will you….him….I-I fought to protect him," she murmured, not caring that I had a sharp blade pressed to her neck. I nodded, slightly dumbstruck at her request and at the easiness with which she accepted her demise. Seeing my nod, she smiled and I glided the blade easily against her skin, ending her life as if it were a mere flame to be blown off. I couldn't hold the bloodied blade after that.

It was the crackling of flames that brought me back into focus. I arranged my defeated opponent properly on the ground and briefly made a silent prayer for her soul. As much as I wanted to turn back and properly burry her, I knew someone living had more need of my efforts than the fallen Stone kunoichi. I raced towards the last two of my targets, opting to deal with the unconscious ninja later, when I had the time to spare to properly give her message to him.

The last two nins were both from Sound, and oddly enough didn't notice me until I sent my shurikens after them. They both evaded, but I had enough time to notice that the two were too raptly engrossed on my comrade and his battles for comfort. It didn't take me much to realize then that they had been sending long-range attacks at my partner before I had appeared.

_Shit!_ I groaned inwardly, not liking the odds that I had left my blonde companion to. I quickly made chase, noticing that one took position, making use of my partner's open side, while the other jumped towards me, halting my approach.

My eyes stayed with the one ready to attack the unknowing Konoha nin. I had to stop him!

"Damn it! Get out of the way!" I snarled, taking little notice of the surprised look my opponent gave when he heard the feral quality of my demand. I rushed past him, taking the kunai at my side without so much as a sideward glance, and threw myself upon the sound nin who was crouched on the ground, readying a massive sound wave aimed straight at my partner.

He had made the final seal and I found myself taking the full brunt of the attack meant for my companion.

I was slowly blacking out, even as I felt the pain from the beatings one of the sound nins was giving me. I struggled to keep awake, certain of my task to eliminate the last two long-range threats to my companion. I bit my lip, forcing myself to fight through the haze that clouded my mind and focus on the nin in front of me.

I gulped.

In my haste to help my comrade, I hadn't bothered noticing how short my two opponents were. As my gaze slowly focused then, I couldn't hide the dread that I would have to cut short the lives of children, probably younger than myself, in order to accomplish my task in the mission.

"Move aside," I managed to mumble out as another fierce kick came in contact with my stomach. I lurched forward, falling on my hands and knees, and wondered for a moment if any of us were ever as good as those two when we were younger.

Probably no.

"I said move aside!" I screamed, my voice catching at my throat and sounding almost like a desperate plea. I caught the boy's foot and threw him off and unto his partner who thankfully missed his target once again due to the intrusion. I took a few moments to assess the damage on my body before finally deciding to skip the healing and use the chakra where it was most needed—in killing two kids with so much potential before they killed us.

I got up, and sprung to action, not allowing the two boys reprieve from the onslaught of my taijutsu attacks. I had Rock Lee and Gai-sensei to thank for that.

Slowly, I realized that the one who had been focusing on attacking my partner was fairly poor in taijutsu, considering that he was taking the brunt of my blows and making no blows in return. I decided to focus on him, quickly making two kage bunshins to distract the other.

His eyes grew wide in fear when he saw my incoming fist, too fast for him to evade and yet it's inevitable power as clear as day. I almost didn't want it to connect, seeing the undiluted fear in his eyes, but I followed through anyway. He fell sideways and I quickly caught him in a roundhouse to the head, using the momentum to fully turn and land a successful axe kick to his left shoulder. He crumpled to the floor and I finished him off before he could make a kawarimi. I didn't have time to play Goddess of Mercy anymore.

I quickly ducked and rolled, feeling my last opponent's projectiles pass mere millimeters over my head. He had finished off my kage bunshins in the same time I had finished off his companion. He quickly made seals, and pressed his hands on the ground, which all of a sudden shook as if an earthquake had occurred. A jagged line of mud spikes snaked their way towards me and I almost wasn't able to evade. I leapt back, only to be met with a painful kick to the back from my opponent.

I flipped back, managing to confuse him with a kawarimi long enough to allow me a safe landing away from the spikes. I made the proper seals and my hands glowed a faint green in readiness.

He came at me at full speed, his form blurring every now and then, but I knew exactly where he was. A high kick came at me from my left but I only ducked, catching an incoming fist and bodily throwing it over my head. A distinctive pop confirmed my guess that it had only been bunshins attacking me but my eyes hadn't caught the swift upper kick to my jaw, which sent me flying.

He smirked as he drove his elbow down my head, quite assured of his victory, only to be met with a log covered in exploding notes.

He didn't even see it coming.

I suppose, in some way, none of us really do.

He was lying dead on the forest ground even before I reached my surprised partner's side.

With the two of us pooling together our strengths and assured that no outside surprises where lying in wait, we easily finished off what was left of the pursuing party. By the end of the battle, we were both tired and bloody, surrounded by bodies we knew would never rise again.

Sighing, I ran back into the woods, my worried partner not too far behind. I had something to finish and for all the bloody fighting with had both faced, I really didn't want him to see me do it.

I landed before the prostate Stone nin, blocking his path as he struggled to crawl to safety. I wanted to tell him there was no such place.

"She wanted me to tell you, that she had died to protect you," I said, my voice calm and even. By then, my blond companion had sidled up beside me, his large hand draped over my shoulder as if offering me both comfort and support. I stepped away from his touch. I felt dirty and undeserving.

"Stupid bitch," the man chocked, but I could clearly tell the fondness with which he said those words. He grinned up at me mockingly, his mouth bloody and a few teeth short due to my punch. "Ain't smart enough to know she got no chance," he laughed before looking up at me with much the same resignation his female companion had.

I shuddered inside but kept my hands still. I ended his life with a swift twist of the neck.

And then I cried.

Everything was so horribly wrong.

His arms were around me in an instant.

"Please don't cry, Sakura-chan," he said, his voice soft and uncertain. He held me closer, struggling to find the right words to ease my suffering, but all I felt was the deep loathing inside that I had killed so many in cold blood, even when I had sworn to protect as many lives as I could. I felt like a hypocrite, saying one thing and then doing the complete opposite. I felt myself treacherous, as I could no longer trust my own self. I hadn't thought myself capable but I had been lying all along.

I had done it. My hands were stained forever. No matter how many times I washed them, I could no longer claim to be innocent. Not like him…

I looked up, staring deeply into his bright blue orbs, searching for something that had never been there to begin with. Even as his hands were stained with more blood than mine, his eyes held the color of summer days and walks in the parks. Why was he so clean when I had been so tainted? It hadn't been his first kill, I knew, but he hadn't changed a single bit from the pure and kind-hearted boy I had first met as a child. While I…..I knew there was a shadow, something darkening within me that can never again be clean and white. I had seen it in Kakashi-sensei's eyes, even in Sasuke's; something that marked them as having been tainted by death. I was certain then, as I looked into his eyes and saw myself reflected in them, that I saw the same shadow lurking in my soul.

I felt disgusted. I pushed him away in fright.

But he held on. He had been holding on for so long. He would never let me go.

"Damn it, Naruto! Let me go! I'm dirty! I'm dirty! I'm dirty! You don't deserve this!" I screamed, eyes wandering erratically on his bloodied shirt, as I could no longer bear to see his clear and bright eyes. I didn't want to see my filthy refection anymore.

I struggled against him, wanting to break free, wanting to keep as far away from him as possible. I couldn't breath, my tears choking both my eyes and lungs. I was going to die. Oh kami, I was so certain I was going to die.

And all the while, his warmth encased me. He still hadn't let go.

He rode out the storm of my breakdown with such weathered finesse and grace that he seemed built for that purpose alone. When I had quieted down, I realized that he was rocking me gently, crooning soothing sounds into my ear. He held me fast against his chest, his arms wrapped around both my arms, hugging them to my sides. Our fingers were intertwined.

"I killed children, Naruto," I said softly in confession, readying myself for the sudden loss of heat I thought would come with those words. But still, he didn't move. If anything, he held me tighter.

I sighed. I leaned back, resting my head on his shoulder as I stared up at the bleak afternoon sky. It hadn't even been evening. I had thought the horrors of death only came at night.

"They were younger than both of us. Maybe Konohamaru-chan's age. And those two…." I looked towards the dead Stone nin, his blank eyes staring up at me in blind defiance from a head twisted to an odd angle. I repressed the tears that threatened to fall once more. "They were in love, or maybe only she was in love, but there was love there. They're only humans. Just like us. And it feels so much worse to know you're killing people with real lives than just faceless ghosts," I said slowly, trying to pick the right words to express exactly how I felt. I found myself lost, grasping for something that could make me feel right again.

He squeezed my hands, as if to tell me he was listening.

"I was so much better than her. She didn't have a chance. But I killed her all the same."

I looked up, and his large blue eyes came into view. He looked at me and I knew somehow, he understood everything I was feeling.

"Those demons we used to fight……." I said, feeling myself lost inside the depth of his gaze.

He quirked an eyebrow at me, prodding me to continue. I sighed dejectedly, looking out into the once immaculate forest now littered with corpses and charred trees. I had done so much damage. "I feel like one of them now," I finished.

We sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity, my heartbeat strangely in sync with his. We were breathing in rhythm, our chests rising and falling all at the same time as if we were but one entity. I fell back deeper into his embrace. I wanted to hide in him forever.

"We are tools, Sakura-chan," he began, his voice steady and toneless as if he were reading out the weather report, "but we are also humans."

"I know," I answered.

"If we kill, it is for a purpose, for something better than the both of us. We don't kill for pleasure, Sakura-chan."

"I know."

"So it's right to feel horrible about taking someone else's life. We have the right to grieve for doing something that is against our nature. But we must also understand that we cannot grieve forever. In some way, we are tasked to take on the lives of those we have killed. We have to live the lives they have lost."

"How?"

"By living life to the fullest. By taking all the possibilities and chances that they had lost. And sometimes, to do that, we have to kill others again, to fulfill the choices we've made. Even if we don't like it."

"It's a horrible cycle."

"I know. But it is the path that we have chosen."

I remained silent for a while, rolling his words in my mind. I still didn't feel justified. It all still felt so very wrong. Why couldn't I understand the peace he was trying to offer me?

"What would you kill for, Naruto?"

He stared me in mild surprise, but his eyes quickly melted into something kind and understanding. Vaguely, I felt my heartbeat quicken. I felt smothered and yet safe all at the same time. He smiled and pulled me closer, if it were possible.

"Many things, Sakura-chan. Mainly, to protect the people who are important to me. When I kill, I think of it as trading an enemy's life for the life of someone I care about. It is selfish but it's what keeps me going."

"We are both selfish, then."

"I would kill for you," he stated simply, his conviction so strong I almost cried. I could feel his warm breath on my neck, breathing softly as he buried his face into my hair. I felt my lips turn upward in a contented smile.

"I killed for you," I replied back.

I felt him stiffen behind me, then slowly relax. He buried his face in my hair once again, his breath sending shivers down my spine and yet warming me as well. Then I felt him shake.

He cried into my hair, for what I did not know. It was the first time I had ever known him to cry. I felt it was long overdue.

I held his arms closer to my body, running my thumbs soothingly over the sides of his hands as he cried behind me. When it seemed as though he would not stop, I began to sing a tune I had learned at the academy when I was young.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…..," my voice was barely above whisper as I pushed down my own tears and sang the haunting melody that had crept into my mind. It felt fitting to the occasion, as I felt his brightness slowly wane then swell behind me. I didn't want him to disappear. I held tightly unto his hands, hoping he would know how much I wanted him to stay. How much I wanted him to hold my hand. How much I would give up just so he would never leave me alone.

The sun faded slowly into darkness' unyielding embrace, covering us both in her blessed silence, turning the forest into something more than just a garden of corpses and unseeing gazes. Everything was pure once again.

"Please don't take my sunshine away…." He held my hand, and for once, I didn't want him to let go.

* * *

Author's notes: Ahck! Horrible crappy goddamn ending! Too sappy! Eek! It makes my skin crawl just thinking I wrote the damnable thing. But...I love that damn song and I couldn't get it off my head so there! 

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